I always congratulated myself for having the ability to travel light. I don’t know how I always managed to cram the most basic necessities for the following 2 or 3 weeks in one small bag, but I was good at packing. I had the “packing-light-mojo”.
Today I sat frustrated and angry. I was furious and at moments, close to tears. My plane was 6 hours away and my suitcase sat open and empty. Through clenched teeth, fists and stomping feet, I glanced at my suitcase repeatedly like it was speaking back to me in Portuguese. How was I going to fit ALL that ..(‘ALL that’ refers to everything I own and bought for the past 2 years and accumulated on my shelves or inside the closet) .. In this suitcase?
What was so different this time than any other time I traveled? Why was I so paranoid about not leaving anything behind?
It suddenly hit me. Every time I left I had something (and someone) to come back to/for. I always looked forward to coming back and as much as I adored traveling, I’d avoid an opportunities to do so.
This time am leaving and I got no strings attached. Nothing to look forward to when I returned. I was trying to walk away…and not turn around for second thoughts.
‘Abandoning’ my precious junk, spreads a desperate feeling of loneliness and insecurity within me. Probably sounds silly and I must sound completely insane right now; but I felt insecure. Without ALL my junk, crap, stuff, things… whatever u wanna name it; I felt naked.
Materialistic? Hmm..
I never left anyone behind and never would. I always put the people I care about first. So in a way, leaving my stuff behind was abandoning someone I’ve become in the last 2 years of my life.
I should be in the airport in 4 hours… and I remain unpacked and unprepared….
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I always dread packing. It's much more than just stuffing suit cases.
ReplyDeleteu'r right... its packing pieces of ur spirit and choosing what part of u to leave behind.
ReplyDeleteOh, believe me I feel exactly the same way. Recently, due to the nature of my fieldwork, I have been traveling a lot. There are so many things I had to leave behind in London and that broke my heart. It took me a while to part with them. But what consoled me is that I brought with me the essential items that would make me feel okay, safe, protected, secure... So I know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you leaving to and why indefinitely?
Am in the UAE and going to Qatar next to see old friends, attend a wedding, shopping, time-off etc.
ReplyDeleteindefinitely... because what had brought me to Egypt in the 1st place was my ex-fiance. Now that we're not together, I can't find a good reason to stay (other than: "its ur country" crap). too much memories and pain and I don't wanna look back... its hard to explain or put into words but it feel like am escaping.
And now that I've left, going back doesn't sound so tempting.
I can start over in London or Dubai... Am not sure right now.