Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go, It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be. One woman for example, suffered the death of her husband during a war and afterward poured herself into 2 things: caring for her little boy and sewing which provided her with income. She seemed to live for nothing else. When she grew thinnner and thinner, you knew where every gram of her was going. She clutched at that child as though he were the cliff's edge that kept her from falling to the rocks below.Because I'd lived through adversity once before, what I learned about myself was like a reminder of something I'd once known but had nearly forgotten- namely, beneath the elegant clothing, and the accomplishments, and the clever conversation, my life had no complexity at all, but was as simple as a stone falling toward the ground. My whole purpose in everything during the past 7 years had been to win someone's turst and possibly-if I could- their affection. Then I came to a realization, more painful in some ways than actual physical pain I once endured. I'd spent the previous night nursing a troubling thought, wondering for the first time what might happen if I reached the end of my life and still this person had never taken any notice of my efforts to strengthen this mother-nature "bond" that's meant to be shared between us. I looked for some sign-any sign- in the hopes of finding something to give me hope that I haven't lived my life without purpose. I was feeling so dejected. I was soo pre-occupied with the search of the "sign" that I almost got run down by a truck the next morning. From this experience I understood the danger of focusing only on what isn't there. What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I'd spent every day watching for the smallest gesture of care toawrds me that would never come to me?? What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I'd never really tasted the things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been, because I thought of nothing but this person even when my life was drifting away from me, what life would I have?I would be like a dancer who had practiced since childhood for a performance she would never give.

Seduction

Seduction

It will look you in the eye. Stare you down till you’re weak and all your strengths and powers are worthless emotions against this magnetizing, mesmerizing… seduction. How can I stand here, so close so near and yet do nothing? I was falling into love. Seduced. It lured me in, like a fish reeled in by a rod or a bird’s eye caught onto a distant shining sparkle. The soothing burst of color so exquisite all around it, reminding me of every rich piece of heaven I once felt with it. It reminded me of our affair and the unforgettable happiness that lifted me to the skies every time I touched it, of how I couldn’t bear to live moments without it… before I started calling out its name and I quickly found myself coming back to it again… And again. It seduced me. Same like its seducing me now. Its texture; so rich, keeps me awake at night.
Sweet delights in every step closer I take towards it. Deep down with the thought that it’s mine, caught my breath away. My heart skipped a beat when its odor wrapped my senses with its vanilla enter twined with cherry flavors swirled and seduced me even more… Oh my soul is crying, am dying. Please help me. If only I could take one more… last bite. Seduced by it. Taken away to oblivion; a world where only my sweet cheesecake and I exist.
In the spur of the moment, with all sanity in me escaped from my mind, as if another person took over my actions… I dismiss every oath and promise I had once taken as quickly as I neglect every effort I made in the past to lose weight. I extended my hand towards the cold metal of the fork, I hold it tight and in seconds that seemed like eternity, my fork sinks into the cheesecake, smoothly separating_ not roughly cutting_ the textured, mouth-watering creamy cheese and doesn’t stop till it reaches the buttery layer of biscuit crust underneath. It all melts blissfully where they rightfully belong; Inside my mouth. My senses are seduced. As I eat my cheesecake. I am too, seduced.

Leaving.
Going back to the land where all my memories were born, and seized to exist the day I left without looking back to avoid the tears that fled within me.
Finally I am returning. But not for good. I am going back to say my final goodbye. The farewell I never dared to bid before, I am going back to my unfinished busniess and unresolved issues.
Bittersweet goodbye.
I remember the day I arrived here, I slipped into shock like a cat slips into deep sleep for many hours under the sun. The culture shock absorbed me and robbed me from any happiness I might have enjoyed.Then I met him.
I go back to close a chapter in my life, that was once the whole book, not simply a chapter... My heart tears away, lost between thoughts; the love I have found that kept me alive in this land, and my nostalgia for the past thats full of God for-saken memories.Ironic how someone's memories for a certain past, can play such a small role. Yet be so painful as to take them away from pleasures of life.
Until I return... adios fellow bloggers.
Closure for my past begins...